The day I decided to attend the Peace Tour 2018 with everyone, was the day I knew this would be the life changing experience I had been praying to God for many years. I had no knowledge of what I signed up for, but somehow knew I was going to experience the magic that I longed for. I knew I was open for an internal shift that was begging to happen. Who am I? Why am I here on this earth? These are questions that have lingered in my very own existence for as long as I can remember, and they were answered on my journey.
I am not going to tell a story of all the places I went on the tour, but rather, tell a story of who I am and my personal inner experience. What I wanted for a very long time was to step into the fire on self discovery. Am I nearly my body, my senses and my mind? Or is there something beyond that? Self love is something I truly have lacked my entire life. I remember as a 6 year old in Tehran, I felt insecure about the bicycle I rode in my neighborhood with all the other kids. Everything about me was just not good enough. Feeling sorry for myself never helped, as it only developed my sense of victimhood through out my adolescence. My parents divorced when I was 9 which led me into believing life is only difficult and tragic. Growing up I carried a lot of anger with me, always blaming my parents for it. When I made the decision to come to America and live with my single mother, it was the first decision I made that truly saved me from future misery. Growing up in America wasn’t easy as I struggled in school, struggled to make friends, and got into a lot of trouble. During my mid 20’s, after having horrible experiences with the friends around me, I decided to live alone and isolate my self from pretty much everyone I knew. Most of my decisions in life came from my mind, but now that I look back, the big decisions I ever made truly came from somewhere else. I call it my intuition. That same intuition told me to go on this Peace Tour in the summer of 2018. At age 35, I made the decision to step into the unknown and never look back.
This Peace Tour was like living in the surprise of my own self. I wanted a non-phenomenal recognition of my self, something that wouldn’t come in forms of thoughts and emotions, bur rather a deeper place in me I always knew existed even as a little child. On this summer journey, I learned about psychosynthesis, to truly meditate and also write about myself every single chance I have. I carried a journal with me every place I went and every single insight or thought and feelings that came to me, I wrote it all down. I fully got the chance to experience self forgiveness, light, consciousness, love, expression, and the essence of God. Letting go of the identities that made me think who I am, staying quiet in my own self, feeling empathy, humility, and only feeling the energy around me was also my experience on this tour. The feeling of separation from God, I would say, is the most painful experience any human being can go through, yet we all go through it. Some of us are trying to get that oneness back, but most of us will be lost in this separation until our bodies die in this life time. We have so many lives to come back and keep experiencing until we all eventually reach that God realization, that oneness, which is our natural state of being. Guru’s like Jesus or Yogananda have been teaching this to the world, but like I said, some of us will get the message this lifetime, and some of us still have ways to go.
All my life, this relative, I, has been wanting to know the absolute, God. I have come to the realization that you cannot know God, because it is not an object. You can only experience God, once you start truly seeing that your thoughts, senses, and feelings are all momentary and are forever changing. Something beyond that is observing these same thoughts, senses and feelings every single second. It’s a silence that is forever there, and it has no shape, size, beginning or end. That is the experience of God I experienced, this vast consciousness that cannot be described in anyway by the mind. Through this journey, I realized I don’t have to know anything, and I don’t have to be anything. Nothing needs to be added, and nothing needs to be taken away. Humans aren’t even the owner of consciousness, but rather only the expression of it. The false identity with the mind, I believe, is the root of all suffering on this planet, because it keeps you only in the state of personhood, and not a part of a bigger cosmic plan. I realized no matter where you go and what you do, you cannot run away from your real self, as to say from perceiving consciousness. God has placed me perfectly wherever I am at anytime. Whats interesting is that everyone feels that their troubles and pains are greater than others, which keeps us stuck in personal identity, from this separation. Happiness is synonymous with just being, and I am no longer waiting for something to be happy. Also, love is synonymous with who I am. It’s not something to have or to need. This question of who am I and why am I on this earth has also been answered by a very simple story I would like to share.
In a village somewhere in time, there lived a priest. Every day people would travel from far places just to share in his wisdom. People would gather around him all throughout the day and all ask questions about all kinds of troubles they had in their lives. One morning, a farmer boy from a village near by travelled to see this priest, because he wanted answers to a question that had been bothering him. At nights, he couldn’t even sleep, because this desire to know was so strong in his heart. As the men and women were already gathered the priest that morning, the little boy couldn’t see him because he was so small in comparison to all these people. He climbed a tree to get a better view of him. “What should I do about my cattle, father?” one man asked. “Is the winter going to be extremely cold this year?” one woman asked. The priest was being bombarded with all kinds of questions about every possible thing you can imagine. Amongst all the shouting voices of the crowd, the boy asked his question. “What is the difference between heaven and hell, father?” All of a sudden the entire crowd stopped to look at this boy on top of the tree. After a bit of silence, everyone started laughing, mocking his question. The priest however was very intrigued. He approached the boy and told him to ask his question again. “What is the difference between heaven and hell? I want to know because I feel I don’t know why I’m here on this earth.” The priest wanted to answer but words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He told the boy to come back the next early morning and to meet him by the river and he will have an answer for him. The little boy agreed. Walking back to his place of rest, the priest was very troubled. It was the first time anyone had asked him a question, he could not answer on the spot. That night, after eating his dinner, he sat down by his bed and prayed to God. “Please show me the answer to the question of this boy when I go to sleep tonight, I do not want to disappoint him tomorrow.” He went to sleep and just as he prayed, the answers came to him in his dream that night. God took him first to hell. What he saw was a picture of perfection. It was a beautiful sunny day, endless field of green grass, the most beautiful colors of flowers he had ever seen. Birds were chirping, butterflies all around him dancing. Everywhere he looked, there was food. From fruits and vegetables to cakes and cookies. All of a sudden he noticed something that seemed very strange. The people all around seemed very miserable, hungry and rotten which quite didn’t fit this magnificent picture he was witnessing. What he noticed was this mechanical metal bar everyone had on their elbows which made them not able to bend their arms to pick up all these enjoyable foods all over the field. God then took him to heaven. When he got there, he noticed it is the same exact sunny day, same field of grass, same birds, butterflies, and all the food was even the same. Then he saw the people there and they all also had the same mechanical metal bars on their elbows. He was very confused at first. As he stepped closer to the people, he noticed they were all joyous, running around, jumping, dancing, and bellies full. The next morning when he shared this story with the boy, the boy asked him then why the difference? He told the boy the only difference between those two places he noticed was that in heaven, since the people couldn’t bend their arms to feed themselves, they simply fed each other and therefore everyone had all the food they could eat. In hell nobody was satisfied because they only thought of feeding themselves and since they couldn’t bend their arms, they remained miserable and hungry. When the boy finally heard this, his soul smiled.
“Remember for just one minute of the day, it would be best to try looking upon yourself more as God does, for she knows your true royal nature.” – Hafez.
May people become so inspired by openness, giving, love, trust, courage and true freedom. May truth become contagious, may pure love blossom on this planet, to discover in the heart that we are one. One truth which is conveying itself in so many different forms of expressions. Amen.